Memorial Day

The world seems very fragile, now. It is amazing to me how many times a day I hear of tragedy and death and hatred and disaster... and that is purely aural, no images involved, I don't have TV, just a dull murmur of public radio chatter, constantly. My heart strings are pulled daily with personal stories of strife and heartbreak and loss and pain. But, is this out of the ordinary, or a hypersensitive dramatized version of always? I think of those proselytizing souls taking their time and energy to, for decades it seems, post themselves on busy street corners, adorned in sandwich board wisdom and shouting "the truth", we are in the end of days... just read the Bible, it says so, and has been saying so for millennia.

Be that as it may, the world does seem vulnerable, or, angry, probably both, isn't that where much anger stems from? Yes the people do, they always are, but the Earth, the ground and heavens surrounding us, stormy, unstable, bustling with nervous energy, lashing out arbitrarily... and it makes the people even crazier than usual.

Marinating in a constant stream of dismay, or, several hours of news radio, daily... (and probably, my ever-onward march to middle age and motherhood) I have become a worrier about that which I cannot control, more than ever. Death seems to loom suspiciously around every corner, just listen to the news! Last week I felt a lurch in my belly and my heart rate quicken exponentially after hearing of a plane crash in Sao Paulo, Brazil... I have a friend there, or, his home address is there, but I actually had no idea where he was in the world on that day, but that "plane crash" and he merged into one news story in my overly active imagination. I was absolutely panicky... texting and emailing, frantic. I combed the internet for a shred of information, knowing his name would be highlighted somewhere in the coverage, dreading it. It feels needless to say that this was my own exercise in mania...

Regardless of my Pisces tendency to over emotionalize anything, everything and nothing... the intimidation of a world that takes life so ruthlessly and so unexpectedly has paralyzed a part of me, a cavalier piece that seems to have vanished from my personality, entirely.